First off I’d like to say that what I’m about to write is extremely hard to talk about. Infertility is such a painful and private struggle that affects so many people – most that suffer through it in complete or partial silence. Often times people are embarrassed, depressed or afraid of how others may judge them; although I was never embarrassed I definitely dealt with my fair share of depression and anxiety throughout our fertility journey. I’m hoping that by opening up about what we went through gives someone else the courage to seek out a diagnosis, treatment or just be able to talk to someone without fear of judgement.
We kept our struggle with infertility as private as possible until we could see a light at the end of the tunnel; finally becoming pregnant after almost two years of trying gave me the courage to speak up and hopefully help someone else find answers. I will try to be a thorough as possible and if there’s anything you’d like further clarification on or have a question about please feel free to let me know!
And…I’m back! It literally seems like yesterday I was typing up my first trimester Q+A; things have been so different this time around and it’s been difficult to keep up with anything other than pregnancy and motherhood. It’s hard to believe I’m well into my third trimester! In just a few short weeks, we will finally meet our new addition – to say we are all excited is a bit of an understatement. Elias talks about the baby every day and we’re hoping that we’ve prepared him the best we can and that he will love being a big brother.
So this post was planned and written a looooooong time ago but pregnancy ups and downs and the holidays have kept me well away from pretty much any mommy time. Between napping when Elias naps (which I NEVER did when he was a baby – too much to get done!), muscling my way through workouts, trying to keep up with the house and crashing on the couch by 6:30, I just can’t seem to muster up the energy to really do much else. And honestly, I’m not pressuring myself to do much more. I’m finding more and more these days that simplicity and happiness are more important to me than packing my calendar full. Maybe that’ll change once COVID is under control and we can actually live more normal lives but for now I’m quite content to be in my sweats, playing Playdoh with my son, eating take out and growing our family. 🙂
Now on to what you’re really interested in – pregnancy Q+A!
It’s a party! It’s a ‘que! It’s a barbeTWO! Super clever over here. 😉
Immediately after having Elias’ first birthday I came up with the idea of having a barbecue for his second birthday. Hence the invention “barbeTWO” or BB2 as I like to shorten it. Why that choice when there is literally NOTHING to be found ANYWHERE as far as decor, ideas, etc that use a BB2 theme. THAT is exactly why. Of all the “donut grow up” or “two sweet” or perhaps my personal favorite “baby shark…two…two…two…two” I have yet to find anyone else throwing a barbeTWO. And, I mean let’s face it – barbecue.
Throwing parties are one my absolute favorite things to do and I’m always bombarded with questions like “where did you get ______” and “how did you ______”. I have an open book policy when it comes to hosting events; I will tell anyone anything they want to know. Even my stepdad was asking me where I got the buffet serving utensils and how much I paid….and then he tried to (jokingly) steal them. Haha.
So here’s a run down of the who, what and where of Elias’ BB2. I may have inadvertently left some things out and maybe some details aren’t as specific as you’d like – just ask. I’d be more than happy to answer any questions or go into a bit more detail in the comments! 🙂
So it’s been two (mostly) unintentional months since I last posted – it’s 2020, ya’ll, literally NOTHING has gone as expected – but I’m back.
Today I am finally going to start the weight loss challenge giveaway that I promised you all weeks ago! When I started the weight loss challenge, I told you all that if I won I would host a giveaway here. Well, I didn’t win – I actually came in dead last and I was the only one who finished the challenge weighing more. As discouraging as that sounds, I’m actually not upset about it. I learned a lot about myself during the 10 weeks and I’m in a good head space. I know that the weight will come off eventually.
As for the giveaway details, I really had a hard time coming up with a giveaway that I felt was appropriate for the challenge and my results. I had originally wanted to giveaway some of my favorite workout gear but I sort of changed my mind when I realized that, for me, this challenge was really about getting healthy, not weight loss or a diet or gear.
Because I spent so much time during this challenge working on new self care routines and working on my mental health, I have decided that what this challenge needs is for the dead last “loser” to give away an Amazon gift card for the winner to spend as he or she pleases. Call it a completion trophy. Haha.
So starting today and running through Friday the 9th, you can enter the giveaway up to two times by signing up for emails from petite noir and/or letting me know in the comments how you plan on spending your $25 Amazon card should you win. (And no, it does NOT have to be “to buy workout gear” or “for skincare” or “new athletic shoes”. You want to load up on toilet paper or fancy chocolate? Own it. Those are good for your mental health too. 😉 ) The giveaway is only open to US residents and I will notify the winner via email within three days of the giveaway end. (Please make sure the email address you use is valid so I can send your prize should you win!)
Like I mentioned yesterday, I am not pleased with my personal physical results. I have been very open about struggling with night time binge eating during this entire process and it has been both a blessing and a curse. A curse because I’m struggling to maintain my weight and attitude but a blessing because it has pushed me to accept the fact that there is not a one size fits all to beauty or happiness.
I mentioned yesterday that we had all taken something away from this process and for me the biggest thing I have learned is that I can be confident in my body at a higher weight even when I’m not completely happy or comfortable with how my body looks. I was strutting around all day yesterday in a bikini and I never felt the sense of embarrassment I felt even at my lowest weight. I don’t know how my mindset changed but I’ve been spending a lot of time working on my mental health and trying to be more gentle and forgiving with myself. Nobody’s perfect and nobody should have to be. 🙂
This is it, folks! It’s the final vacation weight loss challenge update and although I’m not 100% happy with my own personal results, I have truly loved doing this challenge with my sister and our mom. Not to sound sappy or cliche but everyone took a little something away from this challenge and I think we’re all better for it. Regardless of weight or inches lost.
Oh my gosh, you guys! I’ve been so busy getting everything ready for the beach I totally forgot to update on the challenge! Whoops!
I hate to admit it but I am STILL struggling with middle of the night eating. I’ve actually been cooking and baking a bit more and that seems to help me not eat loads and loads of crap in the middle of the night but I’m still easily eating 80% or more of my calories during “trips to the bathroom” at 11:30 pm. Honestly, I’m not even upset about it anymore. Clearly, something is going on and I’m figuring it out – I’m a work in progress and that’s 100% okay. 🙂
Over the past few weeks my mindset has shifted from “lose weight” to “get healthy”. I’ve been struggling a lot with some mental health stuff that’s taking its’ toll on all aspects of daily life – my relationships, my functionality, my ability to mom and, yes, my weight loss goals. And then the cycle starts; mental health decline > non functionality > weight loss self sabotage (i.e, binge eating) > more mental health decline > less functionality > more weight loss self sabotage….and on and on and on.
It has to stop somewhere and I know that getting my mental health in check is the best way to not only meet my weight loss goals but to get back to being a functional mother, wife and person.